Stupidity at its Finest
by shuuketsu-tenshi
Summary: Shikamaru and Temari have been caught in hotel rooms way too many times. Gaara and Kankuro try to fix things by brining up the "p" word. What if they're attempt at teaching the lovers a lesson actually comes true?
1. Chapter 1

How had she come to be here, in the kazekage's office, sitting next to her boyfriend? How was it that she, a successful twenty year old was sitting in an uncomfortable chair, being lectured by her brothers as if she were some kid in elementary school?

The answers to these questions were simple. She had been caught in a hotel room with her boyfriend. Again.

She sat there, ignoring her brothers. It would be the same argument as always anyway. Gaara and Kankuro were always complaining that she was never in Suna anymore, and that even when she was, she was with her boyfriend. She was putting her relationship before her duties as a ninja. Blah, blah, blah. Okay, so maybe she was paying more attention to her relationship with Shikamaru than she did to anything else. Honestly though, she should have been allowed to have a private relationship without her brothers always interfering . She continued to ignore the constant drone of her brothers untile the "p" word was brought up.

"What if it turns out that you're pregnant Temari?" Gaara asked matter of factly. "Are you prepared to take care of a child?"

Temari was silent. She could feel her heart beginning to beat with more speed. She couldn't be pregnant. There was no way in the world she could afford to be pregnant. She knew that she was in no way prepared to get married let alone begin to raise a family.

While Shikamaru admitted to Gaara and Kankuro that he had been way out of line with their sister, and that maybe slowing the physical aspect of their relationship down would be a good course of action, Temari went into panic mode. She thought about the fact that if she was pregnant (and thank goodness she wasn't, right?) she would get fat, and end up having to get married to Shikamaru, even though she was planning to do that anyway, and move to Konoha. Even though that was where she spent most of her time anyway, the thought of actually becoming a Konoha Shiniobi was daunting.

A moment of silence passed, and Temari realized that someone had asked her a question. "Huh? Oh, yeah right, we'll slow down," she muttered while still thinking.

"Fine then Temari, Shikamaru, the two of you may go now," Gaara grumbled.

The two shinobi left the office, Temari still deep in thought.

"Hey, Temari, I'm sorry, but I have to get packed to go back to Konoha," Shikamaru stated while kissing her gently, "I'll be back soon ok? It's just my mother..."

"I know," Temari replied. Shikamaru's mother didn't much approve of her son's relationship with the Suna Shinobi. "I'll see you soon then."

With that, the two kissed one more time before Shikamaru departed. Temari had only one thing on her mind. She and Shikamaru had stopped using protection a long time ago, and the possibility of being pregnant was certainly plausible. She shook the thought from her head and headed back inside the Kazekage's mansion towards her room.

--

Two weeks later, at the Kazekage's mansion, an ear splitting shriek could be heard, followed by sobbing. Kankuro burst into his sister's room to see what the problem was.

"Temari, what's wrong?" Asked Kankuro. He was quite shocked to see his sister in such a state, she was not usually the type of girl to be found collapsed on her bed bawling her brains out.

After a few moments, Temari had regained her composure. "R-remember a f-few w-weeks ago w-when you and Gaara asked Shikamaru and me w-what would happen if I was p-p-pregnant?"

"Yes," Kankuro replied, not very much liking the direction in which this conversation was going.

"Well, then I thought that I should thank my lucky stars that I wasn't pregnant and start thinking from that point onward. But then," She paused, "Kankuro, I think, I think I actually am pregnant."

Kankuro stood absolutely stunned before he regained his senses. Without a word, he grabbed Temari by the arm and began dragging her out to the room.

"Where are we going?" She asked with a note of panic in her voice.

"You my dear sister, are going to tell Gaara of this recent, horrific news, and then if he doesn't kill you, we are going to send an urgent message to Konoha. Shikamaru needs to know that you are pregnant with his child."

The pair arrived at Gaara's office and burst through the door. Gaara looked up from his paperwork, "Is there a problem?" He asked.

"Our idiot sister has something she needs to tell you." Kankuro spat.

"Is that so, what is it then?" Gaara asked in a rather irritated tone.

"Ummm..." Temari began, "Well, I'm," she paused.

"Get on with it Temari, I don't have all day you know."

"Fine then," said Temari, now somewhat angry, "I'm pregnant. How's that for quick?"

Gaara snapped the pen he was writing with in two. "You're what!"

"I believe I said I was pregnant." Temari retorted.

"Well," Gaara was rubbing his head with his hands as if he could feel a migrane coming on, "It's not like we can really say it's a shock now can we? We've known all along that a relationship as careless as yours and Shikamaru's would eventually end up in some sort of mess."

Temari was silent. It was finally beginning to sink in. She was pregnant. She had a little person growing inside of her. She would have to get married to Shikamaru and move to Konoha. She would have to swallow her pride and ask Shikamaru's mother for help. She could feel her heart begin to break as she wrote the letter to Shikamaru. In about a day, he would recieve news of her - their situation and begin his trip to Suna.

Temari smiled at the thought of being able to see Shikamaru again, she only wished that it coud be under happier circumstances.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day Shikamaru was rudely awakened by his mothers shrill voice.

"Shikamaru! Get your lazy ass out of bed now! You're wanted at the Hokage's office!"

Shikamaru rubbed a bleary eye and yawned, muttering somethig along the lines of "troublesome". He quickly changed and went downstairs, opening the door to the brilliant morning sunshine. While walking to Tsunade's office, he pondered about how Temari was doing. He hadn't seen or heard from her for about two weeks. Then again, that probably was a good thing. Temari wasn't really the pen-pal type, and therefore any news from her was solid and important information.

He stood in front of Tsunade's door and contemplated knocking. The whole fact that he was hear befor 9:00 a.m. was troublesome, but barging in would probably make it even more so. After a moment, he simply sighed and gave the door two, halfhearted knocks.

"Come in," was the simple reply.

Shikamaru entered the office to find Tsunade in her usual place, behind her desk with Ton-ton and Shizune at her side. However, this time, Tsunade seemed quite stoic and pensieve. Not a single ray of laughter lined her face.

"Shikamaru," Tsunade said, "I have recieved a message from Temari-san, in Suna. Perhaps you would like to read it?"

Shikamaru tensed. This could not be good. He stepped forward and took the letter from Tsunade, opening it carefully. As his eyes scanned across the sheet filled with Temari's careful scrawl, a ball of anxiety formed in the pit of his stomache. Temari was pregnant. The first thought that came to his mind was along the lines of, 'wow, her brothers really are going to kill me now,' and then, he passed out.

The two older women looked at the young man on the floor. "Shizune," Tsunade said, "Please send for Naruto."

"Yes, Hokage-sama!" Shizune said as she exited the office.

Within half an hour, Tsunade had assigned Naruto the mission of escorting Shikamaru safely to Suna. The two young shinobi left the Konoha, Naruto asking the entire time questions that Shikamaru did not particularly want to answer. Three days went by all too quickly in Shikamaru's opinion, and they arrived in Suna.

--

Temari avoided glares from her brothers while she patiently waited for Shikamaru's arrival. Being pregnant had made her realize how little she actually knew about pregnancy. For instance, wasn't morning sickness only supposed to take place in the morning? She had been spending the past few days running to and from the bathroom, vomitting every single thing she ate. She only hoped that Shikamaru would show up. Then maybe she could go to Konoha and forget about her brothers hating her. Temari was awakened from her reverie by a sharp knock on the door.

Kankuro answered, smiling at Naruto and then slamming the door in Shikamaru's face. Temari opened the door to let Shikamaru inside. He gave her a hug and for a second, it felt like everything could turn out alright. Then Kankuro broke the two apart by telling them to get upstairs before he killed somebody.

Shikamaru and Temari held hands as they walked up the mansion stairs and into Gaara's office. The close of the door behind them sounded like the close of a prison cell. Wincing, Temari and Shikamaru sat down. Gaara stared at them for a long while before speaking.

"So, it turns out that you two are in the midst of a huge mess then doesn't it?" He turned to Shikamaru, "may I ask how you plan to raise a family at the ripe old age of sixteen?"

Shikamaru's black eyes met with the piercing blue ones in front of him. His reply was calm. "I do make a fair amount of money and it's possible for me to become a Jonin shortly after the baby is born. I can purchase an apartment or small home in Konoha so my mother can be of help in any case where it's needed."

Gaara gazed at Shikamaru cynically. "Do your parents even know that Temari is pregnant?"

Shikamaru looked at his hands, "No," he said.

Kankuro sighed, "then I guess you'd better tell them then. Gaara and I would like it if they would come here so we can discuss the situation before we make any drastic decisions."

Shikamaru nodded and took the paper and pen that Kankuro handed him. He glanced over at Temari who was looking quite forlorn, simply gazing at her hands. He couldn't stand to see her like that for much longer so he quickly finished the note to his parents and took her by the hand.

"Hey, shadow-freak, where were you planning to go with my sister?" Kankuro asked.

Shikamaru glanced at Temari who was looking more like herself now. She clenched the fist of her free hand and retorted, "Why would where I'm going be of any concern to you? We're going for a walk and won't be back for a while!" Temari dragged Shikamaru out of the house and into the blazing Suna streets.

Naruto who was a little slow and hadn't spoken for a while now asked, "So, Temari's pregnant?"


End file.
